A change in vocabulary. Sometimes the best way to get through/over/change a negative thought pathway is to change the vocabulary we use. I know this professionally, but personally I still really struggle with this. I am
always frequently getting caught up in negative or definitive language such as always and never.
I was talking with a friend the other day about trusting myself and areas that I trust myself and areas that I don’t trust myself; mainly because it seems I lack trust in myself. After thinking about it for a while I realized that 1. I trust myself when it comes to my career and my education. I would do anything in order to ensure I achieve those goals and 2. I have no trust in myself when it comes to relationship.
I always view relationships as “impossible”. I have a goal/know what I want with my life relationship wise but I am so scared of the whole relationship process that I have just called it as impossible and settled with that. Well this friend then challenged me to stop thinking of it as impossible, not necessarily to view it was possible, but stop think of it as impossible. **this was a great idea, but didn’t work for me.” I am so terrified of the idea that even thinking that it is not impossible, leave me feeling unsafe and unprotected. **If a relationship is impossible then I will not be hurt.** SO I shelved this idea, threw it in a park 500 miles away, to come back to another day. But of course, those of you who know me, know that I am not good at “shelving” anything that I could potentially lead me to grow as a person.
I was reading a book and came across a quote by C.S Snyder, a man who spent his career studying hope. In simple terms he says that hope happens when 1. we have the ability to set realistic goals 2. we are able to figure out how to achieve those goals and 3. we believe in ourselves.
SO maybe it is not that a relationship is impossible, but it hopeless. 1.I do no have realistic goals and my fears keep me from setting goals. 2. I have NO IDEA how to achieve a goal I cannot even figure out to set and 3. I don’t trust myself enough in this area to believe in myself.
SO NO, it’s not impossible, it is hopeless. The good thing about hopeless, is that it can be changed. There are steps that can be taken in order to change hopeless.. impossible is, well, impossible.
so maybe changing vocabulary is exactly what I needed…. Could a change in vocabulary be exactly what you are needing in order to overcome a change.