A change in vocabulary. Sometimes the best way to get through/over/change a negative thought pathway is to change the vocabulary we use. I know this professionally, but personally I still really struggle with this. I am
always frequently getting caught up in negative or definitive language such as always and never.
I was talking with a friend the other day about trusting myself and areas that I trust myself and areas that I don’t trust myself; mainly because it seems I lack trust in myself. After thinking about it for a while I realized that 1. I trust myself when it comes to my career and my education. I would do anything in order to ensure I achieve those goals and 2. I have no trust in myself when it comes to relationship.
I always view relationships as “impossible”. I have a goal/know what I want with my life relationship wise but I am so scared of the whole relationship process that I have just called it as impossible and settled with that. Well this friend then challenged me to stop thinking of it as impossible, not necessarily to view it was possible, but stop think of it as impossible. **this was a great idea, but didn’t work for me.” I am so terrified of the idea that even thinking that it is not impossible, leave me feeling unsafe and unprotected. **If a relationship is impossible then I will not be hurt.** SO I shelved this idea, threw it in a park 500 miles away, to come back to another day. But of course, those of you who know me, know that I am not good at “shelving” anything that I could potentially lead me to grow as a person.
I was reading a book and came across a quote by C.S Snyder, a man who spent his career studying hope. In simple terms he says that hope happens when 1. we have the ability to set realistic goals 2. we are able to figure out how to achieve those goals and 3. we believe in ourselves.
SO maybe it is not that a relationship is impossible, but it hopeless. 1.I do no have realistic goals and my fears keep me from setting goals. 2. I have NO IDEA how to achieve a goal I cannot even figure out to set and 3. I don’t trust myself enough in this area to believe in myself.
SO NO, it’s not impossible, it is hopeless. The good thing about hopeless, is that it can be changed. There are steps that can be taken in order to change hopeless.. impossible is, well, impossible.
so maybe changing vocabulary is exactly what I needed…. Could a change in vocabulary be exactly what you are needing in order to overcome a change.
“Broken down” can feel and look so different for each person. I have two levels at which I feel broken down: Physically and Mentally. Both of these look and feel entirely different and it is only recently have I begun to realize this. I have also learned, that both require different actions, choices, behaviors in order to overcome these emotions. Another note, the more broken down you feel physically the more susceptible you are to feel broken down emotionally.
Here is a break down for how these look and how the response needed is different.
Physically: Hungry, tired, not taken care of, dressed down, overwhelmed, 500 mile to-do list. My response needs to be taking time for a long sleep, a nice shower and some good food. This allows me to focus on the other things I need to get done.
Mentally: I feel worthless, ugly, stressed, overwhelmed, incapable, disgusting, gross, overweight, ect. My response needs to be to check my emotions, hold my thoughts captive and determine what is true and what is not.
How do you experience “broken down” and what actions can be taken in order to heal and grow from those moments?
*this is the beginning of a new blog topic for me. Yes, it is one of many currently on the burner, but I have never been one to NOT multitask.* SO here is the beginning of my Recovery Alphabet
A is for attitude. One of the biggest steps to recovery is ones attitude. If you start your recovery with a negative, pessimistic, failure driven attitude the chances of success in recovery are minimal.
This seems like a simple concept, enter recovery with an attitude for successe (knowing there will be hard times) and you increase chances to succeed. But when you have been through seasons of recovery, over and over again, only to relapse and fail over and over again how do you start not in negative attitude?
My best answer to this is SUPPORT. Starting building relationships and treatment teams now, and when you get to the point of recovery, you will have them to encourage you, support you, and care with you.
2 Chronicles 30:15
“Then they slaughtered the Passover lambs on the fourteenth day of the second month. The priests and the Levites were ashamed, and sanctified themselves, and brought the burnt offerings to the house of the Lord. ”
The priests and the Levites found that they were ashamed and here is their response to that shame.
1. They Sanctified themselves. To sanctify: to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate, to purify or free from sin: Sanctify your hearts. to impart religious sanction to; render legitimate or binding:to sanctify a vow. to entitle to reverence or respect.to make productive of or conducive to spiritual blessing. So what does it look like in todays world? How do we sanctify ourselves, how do we set ourselves apart? I think the best way to sanctify ourselves is to bind ourselves (mind, body, spirit, soul) to the Lord and then to repent for the things that we have done. In particular, I think that it is extremely important to repent the thing that is bringing us shame and to ask for forgiveness and wisdom in that area of our lives.
When I find myself in shame there is usually an action/behavior or a thought (usually a false truth) that is resulting in shame. By binding my self to the Lord, I break agreement with whatever it is I am believing that is causing the shame. It also brings me into truth and reframes false beliefs.
2. They brought an offering to the house of prayer. I know most think of this as outdated and per Jesus. But here is the truth, an offering is anything you give to the Lord (not just money or lambs) it can be your Time, Energy, Resources, Strength ect: But how do we relate this to shame? What offering do you bring when shame is in your way? You (i) already feel week, in fight or flight mode, what do we bring? I don’t have a good answer for this…. My biggest offering is my willingness to search out truth regarding shame, bringing whatever that is to the Lord and giving it to Him.
What are you doing?
Where does your comfort come from? Is it coming from the source that you ultimately want your comfort to come from?
This week, after meeting with a dear friend, I realized that I was finding my comfort in something other than the Lord and that in order to fully put my comfort in Him, I had to purge the other out of my life. I took that leep a few days ago and so the journey is beginning.
Where do you find your comfort? Is this where you want to find your comfort? What are you willing to do in order to change this? Are you ready to change?