Approved Of.

ap·prove

/əˈpruv/ Show Spelled [uh-proov] ap·proved, ap·prov·ing.

verb (used with object)

1. to speak or think favorably of; pronounce or consider agreeable or good; judge favorably: to approve the policies of the administration.
2. to consent or agree to: Father approved our plan to visit Chicago.
3. to confirm or sanction formally; ratify: The Senate promptly approved the bill.
4. Obsolete .

a. to demonstrate; show.
b. to make good; attest.
c. to prove by trial.
d. to convict.
The need to feel approved of us can be both positive and negative. This is an emotion that, up until recently, has seemed to control my life and every decision that I have made. I think only recently have I started to become my own person and make my own choices, because I want to.
I always pursued an education and good grades because that was what was expected of me. I knew that if I continued to perform well academically then my parents would continue to approve me. Only recently have I started to engage in my education because it’s what I wanted. And it has been an amazingly powerful change. I go to class because I want to learn! I actually feel like I am putting a bit of myself into my classes and my class work, as opposed to just something else to check off of my list. So the need to be approved of was good in this instance, it got me to where I am academically.
HOWEVER,
The need to be approved of, is more often, negative. My desire is to work with clients suffering from disorder eating behaviors. Although there are numerous etiologies for disordered eating, one of them is the pressure of society to look a certain way. The thought that if I can just lose another 15 pounds I will be more lovable and desirable then I was before; regardless of how it effects my personality.
I guess the question to ask when feeling the need to be approved of is:
1. Is the change/action going to have a positive or negative impact on my future
2. Why am I feeling the need to be approved of? Is it to fit in with a group of people/friends/collegues/family?
3. Am I compromising my character or beliefs?
In the end, you are the one that has to live with yourself. So make choices that result in you feeling approved of by YOURSELF. **This is a concept I still daily struggle with, but I am learning that I like to be able to end a night, proud of my decisions**

Anxious

anx·ious

  /ˈæŋkʃəs, ˈæŋ-/ Show Spelled[angk-shuhs, ang-]

adjective
1.full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous: Her parents were anxious about her poor health.
2. earnestly desirous; eager (usually followed by an infinitive or for ): anxious to please; anxious for our happiness.
3. attended with or showing solicitude or uneasiness: anxious forebodings.
 
Anxiety is probably the most common emotion (if I had to bet) and especially when considering the emotional state of most of seek mental health counseling. What doesn’t, at some point, have the ability to make one feel anxious? NOTHING.
 
So how do we deal with anxiety? First, Identify what makes us feel anxious. We can’t begin to deal with our anxiety triggers if we don’t know what they are. Secondly, what is it that makes us anxious about that trigger. IE: what do we believe about that thing that causes us to feel this way, and is that belief truth?  Third, what are ways (healthy ways) that we can cope / destress when we are feeling anxious?
I, like most people, have a lot of things that cause me anxiety: work stress, body image, food and weight, finances ect. These are all anxiety triggers for me, but I am going to choose school stress and walk through those three steps I introduced.
 
1. What triggers my anxiety: School work, in particular, deadlines and tests.
2. What about this causes me anxeity:
               A) When it comes to test, I have an inate fear of failing. I believe that if I fail, I am worth less than I was prior to failing. I believe that I wont be able to recover from a poor test grade.
               B) When it comes to deadlines, I am a perfectionist and I have busy schedule. Iget anxious when I think that I wont be able to give 100% to a project and still make the deadline on it.
3.      The biggest thing I do to cope with these anxieties is to FIRST, remind myself of the truths. I have failed a test before, I still passed the class, I still kept my friends, my professor still liked me, and I WASN’T worth LESS than before.  I have done mediocre on a project before and not failed it. I have also missed deadlines before (I always talk with my professors before doing this and getting an okay/extention) so it worked out fine as well!
       The next thing I do, is make sure I am prepared for tests. And that I am actually using my time to get things done. Not procrasting because I already feel defeated on meeting project deadlines.
         Other things I do include: exercising, eating healthy, getting rest, playing guitar, talking with a friend, praying, listening to a motiviating song ext.
 
**I truly think the most powerful thing, however, is to break down why something causes us anxiety and what truths we believe that are behind them. Then we can counter those lies with logic and eventually change our emotional response. In hopes that one day, those triggers wont cause us so much anxiety if at all.
 
Coming soon: Feeling Approved Of.

Annoyed

an·noy

  /əˈnɔɪ/ Show Spelled[uh-noi] Show IPA

verb (used with object)

1. to disturb or bother (a person) in a way that displeases, troubles, or slightly irritates.
2. to molest; harm.

 
verb (used without object)
3. to be bothersome or troublesome.
 
 
noun
4. Archaic . an annoyance.

 08/05/2012 Dictionary.com defines annoy as to distrub, bother or harm so therefor to be annoyed would be to feel disturbed, bothered or harmed.

My first instinct is to then breakdown what it means to feel those three emotions, since they are so intriquitly wond with feeling annoyed. But, I wont, because I have far to much else to say on this blog entry.

The question I tend to ask myself when I am feeling annoyed is why am I feeling this way? What about this situation is making me feel annoyed? And a lot of the time, my response is not the typicall sibling “I’m not touching you” emotion. It’s usually because there is some part of me that thinks that the other person should “know better.”

For example: I frequently feel annoyed when parents come into the pharmacy at 6:00 on Saturday night complaining that their kid needs their seizure medication filled and they do not have refills. Suddenly, their emergency is supposed to become mine, and I get annoyed because they SHOULD KNOW that they are running out of medication and don’t have refills before Saturday night when they are completely out.

So I wonder, what is it about this situation that annoys me the most? It is that they SHOULD KNOW better and now I am having to do extra work and take on their emergency. So then I begin to question my character in this response. Is this living with a whole heart and displaying empathy? Is my annoyed response reflecting the person that I desire to be? NO, it sure doesn’t!!!! ***but this doesn’t mean it still doesn’t annoy me***

I don’t like to feel annoyed, it is not a state that I seek after, or something I want people to note about my character. So how do I change my response when I feel this way? Practice EMPATHY! ***this seems to be a reoccuring theme in my life recently, how to practice empathy*** If I take off my lense of the already overwhelmed employee who thinks she shouldn’t have to engage in someones emergency because they SHOULD KNOW better. And put on their lense of the single mom, overworked and overwhelmed, with a child I love who is out of their highly important anti-seizure medication, I suddenly understand why they feel that this an emergency and why I should work so hard to find a solution.   So my response to annoyed: WHY am I feeling this way and HOW do I practice being empathetic in this situation?

So, what about those moments when feeling annoyed is because of the sibling “I’m not touching you” situations? I guess my take on this is weighing out when to stand up for yourself and when to let the little things go. Chose your battles so to say. Another thing I associate with this is boundaries. If I put up good, healthy boundaries, respect those boundaries, and make them known, then people are less likely to annoy me.

Coming Soon: Anxious

Angry

an·ger

  /ˈæŋgər/ Show Spelled[ang-ger] Show IPA

noun

1. a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
2. Chiefly British Dialect . pain or smart, as of a sore.
3. Obsolete . grief; trouble.

 
verb (used with object)

4. to arouse anger or wrath in.
5. Chiefly British Dialect . to cause to smart; inflame.
 
verb (used without object)
6. to become angry: He angers with little provocation.

Origin:
1150–1200; Middle English < Scandinavian; compare Old Norse angr  sorrow, grief, akin to Old High German angust  ( German Angst  fear), Latin angor  anguish

Related forms

an·ger·less, adjective
un·an·gered, adjective
Synonyms
1. resentment, exasperation; choler, bile, spleen. Anger, fury, indignation, rage  imply deep and strong feelings aroused by injury, injustice, wrong, etc. Anger  is the general term for a sudden violent displeasure: a burst of anger. Indignation  implies deep and justified anger: indignation at cruelty or against corruption. Rage  is vehement anger: rage at being frustrated. Fury  is rage so great that it resembles insanity: the fury of an outraged lover. 4.  displease, vex, irritate, exasperate, infuriate, enrage, incense, madden.08/04/2012:

WOW- what do I write about feeling anger. Anger is such a basic and strong emotion that I am willing to bet everyone has felt.  Personally, Anger is my go-to emotion. When I find myself in an experience that I’m not familiar with or uncomfortable with, I resort to anger. I often find myself Angry because I would rather that than to be sad.
     **For example, when my father passed away, it took me weeks (maybe even months) before I quit being angry. And it was at this point that I realized, although yes, I was mad at him, I was really only relying on feeling anger so that I would not have to feel any other emotion revolving around grieving. **  remeber I am only now becoming more comfortable with emotions 😉
 
This leaves me wondering, how many people are like me? How many people chose anger over feeling volunerable with other emotions?