Altruistic

al·tru·is·tic

  /ˌæltruˈɪstɪk/ Show Spelled[al-troo-is-tik] Show IPA

adjective

1. unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others ( opposed to egoistic).
Synonyms
1. charitable, generous, philanthropic; benevolent, unselfish.
Antonyms
1. self-centered, selfish, mean.

I really enjoyed this article I found via google. http://www.sciencedaily.com/articles/a/altruism.htm
They give a good basis on what being altruistic looks like.

Being altruistic is not an easy feat for anyone, regardless of feeling altruistic. For me, feeling altruistic usually happens when I see a deep need in someone else, especially following a traumatic event. Which is probably why I am drawn to disaster relief work and would like to specialize my counseling practices to trauma and eating disorders.

But I think even in those moments we still reap a reward. I don’t mean a monetary award or even social recognition. We reap an emotion that can’t be gained in another way. I talking about that humbled joy that comes when you get to bless someone in need. And not because you feel a duty or obligation to bless someone!

***Being altruistic does NOT equate to helping out of loyalty or duty. It is not something to check off a to do list!!!!!!

Like I stated previously, many times I act on feeling altruistic is during disaster or trauma. But this is really kind of shallow on my part. There are a lot of ways, within our communities, on a day to day basis, that we can be altruistic.

Here is one example: I keep a pack of bottled water in my car because there is almost always a homeless man or women sitting at the exit by my job who could use a bottle of water. I have grown to become friends with one man, and he blesses my heart every time I see him. On days when I run out of water and haven’t made it to the store, it breaks my heart to not be able to give to him. Sometimes, I think the ones who live on the streets have it all figured out- its about relationship, not our stuff.

In what ways, even something as simple as keeping extra water in your car, can you or do you express your altruistic feelings within your community?

Alert

a·lert
[uh-lurt]

– adjective
1. fully aware and attentive; wide-awake; keen: an alert mind.
2. swift; agile; nimble.
– noun
3. an attitude of vigilance, readiness, or caution, as before an expected attack.
4. a warning or alarm of an impending military attack, a storm, etc.: We’d just boarded the bus when the alert sounded.
5. the period during which such a warning or alarm is in effect.
– verb (used with object)
6. to warn (troops, ships, etc.) to prepare for action.
7. to warn of an impending raid, attack, storm, etc.: The radio alerted coastal residents to prepare for the hurricane.
8. to advise or warn; cause to be on guard: to alert gardeners to the dangers of some pesticides.
-Idiom
9. on the alert, on guard against danger; in readiness; vigilant: The state police are on the alert for an escaped convict believed to be in the area.

Feeling of being on alert instantly reminds me of my training and deployments as a first responder with Crisis Response International. I deployed to Haiti and Joplin with this organization and if I have ever felt alert this was it. We had to be constantly conscious of who was with us and what was going on around us, especially in another country.

Most research I have found on feeling alert suggests that alert is not an emotion, but rather a state of being. **see, told you the list I found was a bit off** I’ll keep going with it though. 😉

Agreeable

a·gree·a·ble

  /əˈgriəbəl/ Show Spelled[uh-gree-uh-buhl] Show IPA

adjective

1. to one’s liking; pleasing: agreeable manners; an agreeable sensation.
2. willing or ready to agree or consent: Are you agreeable to my plans for Saturday?
3. suitable; conformable (usually followed by to ): practice agreeable to theory.
 
Agreeable.
 
 
Here is my first take on feeling agreeable: approach with caution. Why is it that I think this way? Many times, I find myself approaching a situation or even an entire day, simply wanting to fit in, feel accepted, and ultimately be invisable. This is what I would say being in an “agreeable” mood would look/feel like. BUT, on these days, I all to often give into others thoughts, opinions and actions regardless of my own beliefs. It ultimatley negates any authenticity that I have. So while I would place feeling agreeable as a positive emotion, I would treat it with caution because I could see it quickly leading to feeling inauthentic. Not to mention you might end up somewhere you don’t want to be, with people you don’t want to be with, talking about things you do care about and siding with opinions you don’t actually support.
 
My second take on feeling agreeable: WHO DOESN’T FEEL AGREEABLE? (said in sarcasam) How often do we ask someone how they are doing and they are not fine, nice or agreeable? So often we fall back on these emotions, regardless of it is actually how are feeling. Unless you really want to hear how someone is doing, don’t ask! I think we so quickly respond to how are you, with “fine” or “okay” that we actually start to believe we are, even when were not. Kind of like the fake it until you make it mind-set. Evaluating how we are is important to growth. If we don’t ever stop to share how we feel, we don’t grow. I believe that people can guinenly be okay, but when I find myself responding “okay” to often, I know its probably becuase I am hiding a deeper, more negative emotion, that I don’t want to claim quite yet. So my challenge, to you and myself, is to step back and question if I really am feeling agreeable today or am I just saying that I am inorder to avoid how I truly feel.
 
Recommended reading:  Anger Leaders and Agreeable Followers  http://dare.uva.nl/document/215334

Aggressive

ag·gres·sive

  /əˈgrɛsɪv/ Show Spelled[uh-gres-iv] Show IPA

adjective

1. characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing: aggressive acts against a neighboring country.
2. making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive: an aggressive basketball player.
3. vigorously energetic, especially in the use of initiative and forcefulness: an aggressive salesperson.
4. boldly assertive and forward; pushy: an aggressive driver.
5. emphasizing maximum growth and capital gains over quality, security, and income: an aggressive mutual fund.
 
To feel agressive.
 
I believe that feeling agressive is really about feeling unable to control anger and acting on it. I think for many this emotion would be terrifying to identity for the simple reason that it is hard to control, and who doesn’t like control.
 
The most common way, in my opinion, that people display (or control) aggresion is by being passive aggresive. I found a list (via: http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/pa.htm)  of ways that people display passive agression:  
  • Grin fake: Saying “yes” and smiling pleasantly while meaning “no way”.
  • Denying hostility; “who me?”
  • Exploiting plausible deniability; “I never would have done that.”
  • Looking good while doing bad.
  • Delay and other forms of obstruction.
  • The “silent treatment” and other forms of pouting and playing the victim.
  • Stonewalling; stalling or delaying especially by refusing to answer questions or cooperate.
  • Manipulation; controlling people without letting them know you are doing so. Acting outside of trust.
  • Passive withdrawal, lack of response, lack of cooperation, sabotage, covert revenge.
  • Suffering in silence . . . while fueling resentment, justifying retaliation, and expecting to gain leverage, pity, or salvation for your suffering.
  • Playing the victim, feigning powerlessness, pretending you don’t have any choices, denying your responsibility.
  • Playing the martyr—publicly selecting (or acquiescing to) an undesirable alternative for the purpose of justifying revenge or extracting pity.
  • Talking about your adversary while never talking to him about the troubling behavior.
 So what do we do when we find ourselves around passive aggresive people:  the most productive thing to do, is engage them in conversation and wait for them to respond. Be respecful.
 
Coming soon: agreeable

Adversarial

ad·ver·sar·y

  /ˈædvərˌsɛri/ Show Spelled [ad-ver-ser-ee] Show IPA noun, plural ad·ver·sar·ies, adjective

noun

1. a person, group, or force that opposes or attacks; opponent; enemy; foe.
2. a person, group, etc., that is an opponent in a contest; contestant.
3. the Adversary, the devil; Satan.
 
I feel like this definition gives a really negative light on what it means to be an adversay or to feel adversarial. 
 
**note, I’m not sure I quite agree that adversairal is an emotion, but I’ll roll with it**
 
I believe that having people to be an adversary is criticle. Where would we be as a society if noone every challenged anything. As a counselor, I think there are times when it is important to be an adversary for clients. To stand up for them when noone one else will. To promote social justice.
 
To feel adversarial….. I’m not even sure what that would be like.  I feel adversairal in that I am going to oppose everything everyone says. So maybe someone who is being stuborn, hard headed, pesamistic would be feeling adversarial.
 
Thoughts?

Accomplished

ac·com·plished

  /əˈkɒmplɪʃt/ Show Spelled[uh-kom-plisht]

adjective
1.completed; done; effected: an accomplished fact.
2.highly skilled; expert: an accomplished pianist.
3.having all the social graces, manners, and other attainments of polite society.
 
Accomplished is a feeling that most would think I am rather familiar with but I am actually not. Yes, I graduated high school early, I graduated college, Got accepted to Gradute school, bought my own home ect. But for some reason I tend to minimize my accomplishments and chalk them up to just another natural part of life. **Which yes, they are, yet they are still something to be proud in**
 
Maybe it’s time that we all sit back and not just think about what we have accomplished in our lives, but what it feels like when a goal is finally achieved.
 
Accomplished, in my view, is not an emotion you feel seperate from other emotion. I do not believe you can only feel accomplished. Proud, revlieved, excited, joyful, ect are all underlying emotions that I equate into accomplished. These basic emotions come together to form accomplished.
 
 
 
 

Accommodating

ac·com·mo·dat·ing

  /əˈkɒməˌdeɪtɪŋ/ Show Spelled[uh-kom-uh-dey-ting] Show IPA

adjective

easy to deal with; eager to help or please; obliging
 
 
This is yet another word on the list emotions that I am not really sure where to go with. To feel eager to help, to please, or obliging. I think there are two ways to approach this topic, postively and negatively. So naturally I will do both (and you can decide which on you would like to start with, good news or bad news) 😉
 
Postively:   Feeling accommodating can take a positive approach when we use it to respect those around us. It can promote an open mind, which is always beneficial.
 
Negatively:  This is probably where I lie with this emotion and am only currently, really beginning to work through. Feeling accommodating can become negative when we ignore our own wants, needs, desires, passions ect inorder to accommodate the people and relationships in our lives. The longer you and I do this, the harder it becomes to change. I think a part of the reason it becomes harder to change is because we forget who we are.
 
So feeling accommodating is an emotion that needs to have boundaries and limits in our lives. It is good to be open minded and respectful of others but it also important to know and honor our own wants and needs.
 
/\/\/\/\/ Accepting Update \/\/\/\/\
 
Something I have learned this week is that I do not fit into anyones perfect little box. I am done trying to fit into anyones (including my own) ideal of the perfect little box. I refuse to continue to strive for something I can never reach and I refuse to continue to beat myself  because I can’t fit into that box especially when half the time, I don’t even believe in what is in the box!!!! So, accept me or don’t. I’m not going to hurt myself trying anymore. 😀
 
 
Coming soon: Accomplished